Photographer: Agata Serge Photography
Model: Luca Hollestelle
a friendly reminder:
don’t hang out with people that make you feel bad about yourself
1. I hate when I’m on the bus or on public transportation listening to music, and there’s a lot of strangers surrounding me. Then a song starts playing and the lyrics make me tremble from head to toe, my stomach moves like an accordion, and my lungs feel like they have petroleum in them.
2. I hate that direct eye contact sometimes makes me feel like I’m covered in flames. I look down most of the time or my eyes roam like marbles because sometimes I cannot handle it. I feel like peoples eyes are forensic investigators and it frightens me.
3. I hate how my hands feel like a waterfall when I’m nervous. Here’s a little entry I wrote in my journal 6 years ago: “He wanted to grab my hand and I didn’t let him because my hands were sweating like crazy. He probably thinks i dont like him and i dont want to tell him whats wrong with me. ”
4. I hate that I am constantly shaking like a destructible earthquake. I can feel it beneath me. Sometimes, I hope other souls would not notice. I think my bones shake because they want to leave me.
5. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. This monster has stolen everything away from me. I have a life beneath me, a life I cannot release because I am trapped. This monster has the person who wants to scream in a cage. And I hate when people tell me to try because I have and the monster always drowns me deeper and deeper.